Bang, bang, bang, and I’m a swami

ON MY RETURN FROM OHIO, Swami was talking to Mary Russell (a double Sagittarius), who asked, “When’s Jnana going to become a swami?”

“Oh, he’s got it all. He had to go through a long purification, though.”

Two hours later, as I was preparing brunch (guess that was in my tenure as head cook), Swami returned from a drive to the rock festival (we had set up tents the night before and fed the (200,000) freaks rice, soybeans), and asked, “Jnana, how’d you like to be a swami?’

To which I replied, “If it’s required.”

And, apparently, I didn’t even bat an eyelash.

That night, I worked nine hours heavily (no break) at Jerry’s Diner, washing dishes until 1:30 am … very pooped!

And now the responsibility. YOU MUST BE MORE HUMBLE THAN EVER BEFORE!

 

FROM MARY’S READING of my astrological chart:

• Greatness/genius
• Strong editing
• Quicksilver mind. Mercury one of my ruling planets (“mercurial” = intellectual, flexible, adaptive)
• Very orthodox though I appear strange to many people; I enjoy coming off “freaky”
• Strong intuitive inductions, leaps
• Very attractive to women; will marry “the most perfect woman in the world,” perhaps an Aries.
• “Honor” women: leads to strange expectations
• Worry too much (worry denies God), a born worrier. “Let it go!”
• In five years, money; but things MOVE before that. [Fostoria, Bloomington, and then Yakima as the five-year mark; not really money, but some security/comfort.]
• Follow the royal road of the heart, not the mind
• Ambition: be humble!
• When you were 13, you were the fastest thing on wheels
• Summer of ’70 brought the “dark hole of the night” when past karma came due

 

MEDITATION TECHNIQUES:

• Concentrate on chakras, hold 3 long breaths on each point (21 minutes)
• Do pranayama before or, as Buddhists do, during. Or count breaths.
• Concentrate on flame.
• Begin at top of head and pull light to heart and radiate
• Recite mantra or chant silently
• Concentrate on others
• Mantra or biblical phrase or line from a hymn

And then sit tight.

 

As for Swami quotes?

To staff: “There’s only one person in the ashram who can pull himself around quickly when he’s down.”

Who’s that?

“Jnana-Devananda.”

You mean Levi-Devananda, don’t you?

“No, Jnana-Devananda.”

Reading my hand: “He’s so good-natured it almost hurts.”

And here I’d been feeling in a funk.

To me: “You’re giving out vibes now, but you must learn to receive them. I tried getting through to you last night, and you were like a brick wall.” (I was concentrating on my chakras, trying to get high. Don’t know how to accept them, tune in. Frustration!)

Yet on August 4, Swami imposed a two-week silence me – said she’s been watching me for two weeks, waiting for me to pull myself together. Been racing, withdrawing. Tired of guests seeking easy answers or asking questions, “Where’s the vacuum cleaner hose?” Too many words racing through my head: difficult to meditate.

 

OTHER BITS:

Eyes heavy: resentment.

Swami so obvious with Levi in front of guests.

Harmony loves clutter and noise.

Cedar so severe, rigid; sadomasochistic at times; fanatic’s eyes, yet at times wisdom from her lips

Levi is better dressed than the other swamis, always at her side. She is always asking what he thinks or if he will comment: in group wedding photo, he is betrayed: he looks only at Swami. Am surprised nobody picks up on it. Bhaktivananda did detect Swami’s worldly passions. He merely fingered the wrong one.

I would like to extend the silence, two months perhaps?

Sit in forest, on rock, quiet a long time. Start to move, see big black snake, neck and head upraised, alert / my own silent fear, sidestep quickly.

That movie: El Topo, the mole (underground man). Still haven’t seen it.

The newsletter: no wisdom. What Swami likes today, she’ll revile tomorrow; what’s too long, too heavy today is too short, too sugary tomorrow.

A spice rack as the arsenal of argument.

“Help me plant weeds,” Cedar tells the gardener.

When I’m speeding: don’t listen, don’t let people finish,

Why are people so self-destructive?

Because they want to be noticed, sez Swami.

The selfish man can never find happiness. Selfishness and happiness are mutually exclusive.

A caterpillar moves on middle legs, contracts the rear, and pushes / the front half of a caterpillar floats, doesn’t touch much, let’s the back half do the work / the strobic rhythm of fireflies / blips like the scratches on a worn cinema projection /

~*~

From Spiralbound Yoga, with commentary from now.