A curious set of emotions has set in for me. As much as I love living in Dover, I feel myself separating from it. There’s a sadness, as well as the excitement of new adventure ahead, though we have no idea exactly how soon.
Next week? Next month? Next spring or summer? We don’t know yet.
We had enough surprises in trying to buy this place, in what seems a life ago to me.
So I anticipate a crush of time-consuming work ahead in packing and then unpacking our goods, as well as the rounds of changing address and establishing new connections, and that in turn has me hesitating to step up to volunteer for tasks in the groups where I’m a member. Yes, I’m distancing.
It’s happening at home, too.
Moving around the garden, for instance, when we realized we wouldn’t replant garlic bulbs this fall, not here. Or looking at my fern beds and asparagus patch, knowing I’ll definitely miss them.
Or facing household breakdowns, which seem to be multiplying. You know, let repairing them become someone else’s problem. They probably wouldn’t like the color of paint we use, anyway.
Things we’ve never really liked about the house itself but somehow accepted now are acknowledged as irritants. That sort of thing.
I keep thinking we could easily pour another hundred grand into this domicile, if we had that much, but it would never be want we really want or, at this point in our lives, fit what we need.
This all feels so strange, given that I’d settled into a kind of familiar lazy comfort with things.
All of them about to be uprooted.