1. Poets who expect to read as soon as they arrive and then depart when they’re done.
2. Those who have not revised their work.
3. Those who hold the stand too long.
4. People who don’t laugh at my funniest lines.
5. Readers who arrive when I’ve just ended.
6. Folks I’ve heard who won’t hear me.
7. Nights there’s no sharing, no worship of the muse. Too much competition.
8. Dishonesty. Pretense. Would-be actors.
9. Poets led astray by bad models. Wrong breathing. Lines that don’t fit the poet’s mouth.
10. Erroneous observations, fallacious reasoning. The facts must be correct.

You could add listeners who try to categorize each reader. or overly critical folks like me.

He got his name from signs I saw all over campus. NO SMOKING. Just move the space and it became Nosmo King. He was a solidly black cat with Siamese lines and smarts. As I noted when he was a kitten:

1. He’s been here two weeks. Or is it three?
2. Gained a pound.
3. Approaching adolescence, he’s learning the ropes.
4. Out of control.
5. Banging the walls.
6. Losing his balls.
7. Jumping to the table top.
8. Forgetting to wipe behind.
9. Staying up all night.
10. Adding chaos to our lives, not that he cares.

Or “heh-ell,” as the dialect might say. It’s been a half-century now since I left Bloomington as a research associate, and a few years before, when I graduated.

Rather than rave about the graduate library or the celebrated rare-books temple or the music or business schools, let me take a different tack, as viewed from now.

1. We’re still in disbelief that the football team could have a winning season, much less be ranked in the nation’s top 25 teams. Basketball’s a different matter.
2. Considering the conservative nature of the state, it’s a bit shocking that the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction is located on the campus. Its extensive archives and research initiatives are discreetly housed, though, in the ivy-covered former Women’s Residence Center – or was, back then.
3. Its collegiate gothic-style buildings are clad in locally quarried limestone. As are some more contemporary ones.
4. The stream that meanders through wooded parts of the campus is called the Jordan River, not as a Biblical reference but rather in honor of David Starr Jordan, the school’s first non-ordained minister to serve as president – he was a scientist who believed in Darwinian evolution and left Bloomington after six years to launch Stanford University in California.
5. Founded as a seminary in 1820, the school is one of the oldest public universities in America.
6. The alma mater, “Hail to Old IU,” was set to “Annie Lisle.” a Scottish melody, as was Cornell University’s, and perhaps brought to Bloomington from Ithaca, New York, by Cornell alumni Jordan.
7. A practical joke is spelled “boress” but pronounced a bit differently.
8. The dining hall service continues to suck, as I’m finding in online comments. It was a major factor in the upheavals in my novel, Daffodil Uprising.
9. On-campus parking is limited and expensive.
10. Nobody’s ever figured out what “Hoosier” means, as far as I can tell.

Let’s clarify.

1. Not in hallways, parking lots, malls, or many suburban housing developments.
2. Not purely for exercise, especially walking in circles.
3. Often, I’ve found downtowns invigorating.
4. Neighborhoods with homes that reflect individuality and care. Craftsmanship, detail. Gardening, shrubbery, and trees, too. Ivy can be magical.
5. To get from one point to another. Think of exploring.
6. On trails. (Going back to Boy Scouts.)
7. Forests.
8. Riversides and beaches.
9. Up and down a hill or a mountain.
10. As a break in the practice of writing or revising. I’m recalling the orchard and irrigation canal banks, especially.

Celebrities get the headlines, of course. What makes them so special?

“Hollywood marriages are two constructed images colliding,” said bandleader Artie Shaw, reflecting on his ex-wives. He married eight times, in addition to 11 serious girlfriends. So much for expertise.

Let’s turn to ten others.

1. “Experts on romance say for a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition for friendship.” ― Marilyn Monroe
2. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they are both disappointed.” ― Albert Einstein
3. “A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” ― Cher
4. “I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too ― for being married so many times. ― Elizabeth Taylor
5. “You would think that a rock star being married to a supermodel would be one of the greatest things in the world. It is.” ― David Bowie
6. “Husbands and wives should have separate interests, cultivate different sets of friends and not impose on the other … You can’t spend a lifetime breathing down each other’s necks.” ― Paul Newman
7. “You never really know a man until you divorce him.” ― Zsa Zsa Gabor
8. “When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now … once he opened the car door for me in the last four years ― we were on the freeway at the time.” ― Joan Rivers
9. “For marriage to be a success, every woman should have their own bathroom. The end.” ― Catherine Zeta-Jones
10. “Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” ― Donkey, in Shrek

Formal letters may be an endangered species, say apart from legal actions, but you may still find a need for a snappy closing line for other written transactions.

Here are a few of note.

1. Cheerio, luff, and all that. Alternatively,” Luv ya,” or, “Love & hugs.”
2. Cheers or beers.
3. Whoops!
4. Too’s yours. (Knockoff on “toujours.”)
5. Tally-ho. Also, “Tally-ho-ho-hon.”
6. Warm fuzzies.
7. Taa-taa. Also, “Too-da-loo” or “Tou-da-lahjh.”
8. Keep sizzlin’. Or, “Keep smilin’.”
9. Hippity-hop.
10. Tootles.

“Laters!” got misappropriated.

Letter writing may be a dead art, thanks to email, texting, and online job application forms, among the changing means of communication, but one of the challenges of on-paper correspondence had been in selecting an appropriate closing line, which went right above your signature. (Few youths today, I’m told, actually have signatures. Ahem.)

As one bit of advice noted, “sincerely” is for lawyers, better to be too warm than too distant.

Here are some alternatives, should the occasion arise.

1. Thank you for your time. Alternatively, “Thanks for your time” or “Thanks again.”
2. Good wishes, always. Or even, “Always,” or, “All the best, always.”
3. Toujours.
4. Enthusiastically.
5. Only the best or betters.
6. Stay well.
7. Cheers!
8. Thanx and g’day.
9. Let’s go!
10. Onward!

Gee, now I’m wondering about “Truly.” Or even, “Actually.”