A few Saturdays ago, I attended an all-day workshop at the meetinghouse that addressed alternatives to America’s modern funeral industry. Yes, we Friends advocate simplicity and equality and environmental sustainability, among other things, but this was quite an eye-opener.
If you’re like me, you’ve probably assumed that much of the practice is simply not up for discussion – that you have to go through a funeral director, have a corpse embalmed, use a casket and vault, for instance. Not so, at least here in New England, as we learned.
For starters, my big shock came at looking at the price-tag on funeral services – and even though the Federal Trade Commission requires establishments to hand out a general price list to all who ask, two of the largest funeral homes in our area refused to provide that information. So much for comparison shopping on a major expenditure. Even so, we could see that the billing starts at a “basic fee” of about $2,000 or more … and then every activity or product gets added on. As I sat there, I calculated that even without embalming, dressing, casketing, hearse and limo, or a funeral home ceremony, simple cremation could run over five grand. Huh?
You can imagine what a full funeral begins to run. Me, I’d rather leave my heirs a new car.
This was before we even considered the heavy pollution arising from either embalming and burial or cremation or other negative social costs.
Compounding all this, of course, is the fact that few people are willing to look directly at the inevitability of death, especially their own. (Otto Rank, one of Freud’s two major disciples, saw the fear of death as the central psychological problem, rather than sex.) To consider these issues calmly and clearly, then, becomes a spiritual or religious act that embraces the totality of life itself.
What we found in the workshop was that rather than morbidity, we were celebrating life as an entire cycle.
There were two separate parts under consideration, and each could be done independently of the other.
- Home funeral: This is the option of keeping the deceased’s body in the home before burial or cremation, and of arranging ceremonies or observations that fit the family’s desires. This includes cleansing and preparation of the body, as desired.
- Green burial: This is chemical-free, without a vault, and allows the body to decompose naturally. The coffin may be made locally, or one may prefer to use a shroud alone.
As we “walked through” the preparation of a body (a volunteer from our circle), we began to feel how loving and caring the activity could be, especially as part of a community. We were especially moved by the simple beauty of a shroud and its outer wrapping as an alternative to a coffin. (I’d long been intrigued by the Amish use of a shroud, and now I’m sold – it’s elegant and far more natural than a traditional casket.)
We have much to think about and examine. Among them is what steps we need to take to assure we can do this in our own burial ground – is the soil proper, are there any zoning restrictions, do we want to let one section revert to forest after burials?
But at least we’re thinking.
If this strikes a chord with you, feel free to check out National Home Funeral Alliance for contacts and directions.
Jnana's Red Barn 
I am originally from Trinidad and Tobago and I remember when my granddad died, I was only, maybe four years old, he was at home. I can see that in my mind as if it was yesterday. This post reminded me of that. Personally, I understand the reasons why I should not prefer cremation but I cannot stand to think of my body being buried and deteriorating. I think that when I am cremated, my dust or remains are set free and released to a happy place. Great post, thanks for sharing!
I had a good friend who died and I attended his Hindu funeral. It was inclusive, moving, loving, sad, emotional – but so loving. Then a family member’s funeral different again – a sharing of her life, her loves, her humour, her spirit – a sad joyous love filled occasion. We talk of Christ dying. We prefer not to talk about our own death. Odd.
Hi Jnana, I wrote about funerals a few months back. I was taking a class in volunteer hospice and one of the sessions was a visit to a funeral home to understand the alternatives available. You are right on about the costs of a traditional funeral and the fact that there are many other ways to go. After completing the hospice class and volunteering as a hospice worker, I have gained a tremendous amount of insight into my own thoughts on death and become much more comfortable with the inevitable. Thanks for this post.
Superb writeup.
Great post, Jnana. If you haven’t already, check out the book “A Christian Ending” by J Mark and Elizabeth J Barna. They also have a podcast (by the same name) on the subject of natural burial on Ancient Faith Radio. The appendix of the book also includes resources related to the legalities involved, which in some states does present formidable obstacles.
May God grant you many years, and a blessed repose.
We welcome the additional resources and perspectives. Fortunately, here in New Hampshire, we’re able to move ahead with “green burials” in our Quaker cemetery and are opening the grounds to others of similar concerns.