Tag: Humor
On a downtown Belfast street
A shaved-head man
in a very dark navy-blue suit
resembled an undertaker
as he carried a deposit bag
to the bank.
Turned out to be an attorney.
How many ‘lasts’ of the season?
It’s been a month of “last” tomato sandwiches, each day a surprise blessing.
There have even been at least two “final” rounds with a lawn mower, not that I’m complaining.
And now I’m out on the last cruise of the schooner season.
Kinisi 282
Cruel
Duel
Carpooling
Bob Stratton tells of driving home from work in Lordstown when a thunderstorm rolled up:
“One of the fellas in the car said, ‘Hey, the car behind us is sure coming comin’ up fast with its brights on.’
“It was no car. It was rolling lightnin’ that hit us.”
They drove on to a diner. “I smell something singed,” the waitress said.
“If that’s all it is, we’re lucky,” they laughed, and then told her what had happened.
Several weeks later, stopping there during another storm, the waitress was now telling them their story.
“You must not recognize us,” they laughed. “We’re the fellas it happened to.”
Kinisi 281
strange sounds
sounds strange
Kinisi 280
Cardboard
Catbird
So how are you, really?
If AGE was a sign of WISDOM, a vast age might have been a sign of great wisdom, so that Biblical ages stand not as a measure of time but as a scaling of experience or insight.
Methuselah, 969 years; Noah, 950.
Also, the the closer to historic times, the more normal – i.e., smaller the number, though still bigger than today’s.
Good thing negative numbers don’t apply here.
Kinisi 279
w i i n d
schooner or later
From Orpheus to eternity
Contrary to widespread opinion, hell is air-conditioned, though prone to frequent power outages. This is crucial, according to the dream, since hades exists largely as something akin to cyberspace – that is, its endlessly interlocked and hushed interiors are covered with wall-to-wall carpeting and bathed in recessed fluorescent lighting, each room assigned to a particular array of deceased souls. There, they may be called up on large-screen, high-definition television screens, although addressing them is an experience akin to conversing with an advanced Alzheimer’s patient. Unlike most funeral homes, these room contain is little furniture and no flowers.
The experience of hell is not fire, as commonly thought, but rather that there’s nothing to do. The result is endless boredom, with only the memories of a single lifetime to reflect on. There’s no music, neither harp nor lyre, and singing never emerges from the throat. Here, insanity is not an option. Escape is impossible from the utter silence. This is solitary confinement amplified, without even periodic meals for variation. The basis of humanity is awareness. In damnation, the awareness is amplified – awareness of nothingness.
Visitors to this realm must be careful not to be separated when a power outage strikes. Do not go to the bathroom alone or attempt to double your productivity by working multiple rooms at the same time. Should two members of a family obtain an unequal knowledge of the deceased – information gleaned separately during their quest to better know the departed, but not yet shared with each other – they may be told they cannot leave hell, but must themselves join its ranks. This is, of course, a bald lie, but getting through its sales pitch is emotionally exhausting.
The power outages occur to reinforce the awareness of eternity. That is, they retain a rhythm of time within timelessness.
Dante, we should note, wrote of inferno before electricity became part of human life. Had it been, he may have placed the worst offenders in electrical chairs, with continuous executions. It’s possible that happens in the deepest recesses, contributing to the power outages. I report only on what I’ve seen, briefly. I remember nothing of our guide, other than his dark, single-color suit and highly polished shoes leading us down a set of three steps into our last room.
~*~
My, I don’t quite know now where that originated in my mind. But there it is, from some deep past.