Tag: Funny

Do I miss the goddess Caffeina?

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 1 Comment

Mugs of coffee laced with sugar and cream have accompanied me from high school on, especially while sitting at a desk writing or editing. Cutting back from my five or so big mugs a day did become an annual health goal, not that I ever pressed that hard. Working the night shift didn’t help, either.

Alas, since retiring from the newsroom, I’ve had to eliminate caffeine altogether from my diet. Doctor’s orders. My favorite drug of choice, it turns out, counteracts a daily medicine prescribed to me.

Here are a few related considerations.

  1. Tea may be the first caffeinated beverage, from 2737 B.C.E., according to one line of argument, but I’ve never found it satisfying. Sorry if you feel a need to object.
  2. Coffee beans are not really beans but the pit of a red or purple Coffea fruit. The leading producers are Brazil, Colombia, Vietnam, and Venuzuela.
  3. Was the first usage of coffee by an Ethiopian goat herder named Kaldi in 850 C.E. after he noticed his goats had extra energy after eating the fruits?
  4. Today an estimated 80 percent of the world’s population imbibes a caffeinated product daily – a number that rises to 90 percent of adults in North America.
  5. It’s also found in some soft drinks and in chocolate.
  6. Add to that cold, allergy, pain, and weight-control medications.
  7. One study found that two to three cups of caffeine coffee linked to a 45 percent drop in suicides.
  8. Significant daily consumption of caffeine in coffee or tea may also greatly reduce the likelihood of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases. Other health benefits are reported.
  9. The United States is the leading consumer of coffee. I doubt, though, that we can blame that on the Boston Tea Party, which was a tax protest.
  10. Decaf does contain a residual amount of caffeine. Not enough, apparently, to keep me awake.

It’s not like I’m suffering, though. I must say I’ve found some good decafs for my morning ritual, sometimes abetted by French chicory. Still, there are some dull days I would really like that jolt of bitter stimulant to the nervous system.

About neighboring Campobello Island

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

It’s less than two miles away from our house. We even see it from our upstairs windows. But it’s in New Brunswick, Canada, and we’re in Maine, USA, separated by some serious ocean currents. As I proclaim when fog kicks and obliterates that view, “We lost Canada again.”

Before the border restrictions that resulted from 9/11 in 2001, visitation both ways was common. Just hop in a boat and land over there or over here. Families, employment, and shopping often spread across both sides of the border. At least one previous owner of our house was born on Campobello, a long time before Covid really shut things down.

Here are some details.

  1. The international bridge to Lubec, Maine, is Campobello’s only direct route to the mainland. Tiny Lubec then serves as their closest retail center. You need a passport to go either way. Before the bridge opened in 1962, much of the traffic went by ferry connecting to Eastport, Maine.
  2. The island is 8.7 miles long and 3.1 wide, covers 15.3 square miles, and has a population of 949. Half of the island runs along the spectacular Bay of Fundy. In fact, it’s the second-largest of the Fundy Islands.
  3. The island has one school, which serves all grades.
  4. At the end of the 1800s, the island became a summer resort colony for wealthy Canadian and Americans, including the parents of Franklin Delano Roosevelt. At their summer home, the future president learned to sail and explored the wild and, later, as an adult, tragically contracted polio. For Eleanor, the cottage was her favorite place to be, and she returned often, usually through Eastport. Today the residences are the core of Roosevelt Campobello International Park, with tours and programs administered jointly by Canadian and U.S. authorities.
  5. Combining its 2,800-acre natural preserve with an adjacent provincial park, the attraction extends to pristine cobble beaches, trails for hiking and cycling, breathtaking panoramas, rocky headlands, and several garden-like Arctic sphagnum moss peat bogs, one with an extensive interpretive boardwalk. The interior roads are, by the way, unpaved.
  6. Also within the park is Friar’s Head and its related trails, one down to a beach. On the Maine-facing side of the island, its views present the lower stretch of Passamaquoddy Bay and the beginning of Cobscook Bay. The highland sits above a landmark monolith outcropping dubbed the Old Friar for a presumed resemblance that has apparently faded, in part due to artillery practice from nearby crews in time of war. The waterway between Campobello and Eastport is known as Friar’s Road. (Now you know.)
  7. A small car-and-truck ferry connects Campobello and one end of Deer Island; from the other end, a second ferry runs to mainland New Brunswick.
  8. Campobello’s mail delivery comes through the U.S. There have been controversies over U.S. Border Patrol searches of the posts.
  9. Harbour Head Light, first built in 1829, is perhaps the most photographed lighthouse in Canada. Pedestrians who wish to climb to its beacon room can visit it only at low tide, but it is visible from other points.
  10. The island shelters us from heavy surf of the open Atlantic in Fundy Bay, as well as its fierce storm winds.
The Old Friar stands above the tide at the Roosevelt Campobello International Park in Canada.

 

It’s not just ‘Amazing Grace,’ either

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

With Robert Burns Day coming up Saturday, attention turns to things Scottish, and that includes bagpipes, not that you need them when singing his songs.

Here are ten related notes.

  1. Though best known as Great Highland bagpipes, related reservoir wind bag woodwind instruments have long traditions throughout Europe, Northern Africa, Western Asia, the Persian Gulf, and South Asia.
  2. Pipers usually refer to the instrument as “the pipes,” “stand of pipes,” or “set of pipes.”
  3. A bagpipe has one chanter pipe (played with both hands) and one or more drone pipes. The melody is played on the chanter while the drone holds a single – distinctive – lower tone as harmony.
  4. Most blowpipes into the wind reservoir have a non-return valve that keeps the bags inflated. Otherwise, the tongue has to do the job.
  5. Bellows applied to some bagpipes beginning in the 16th or 17th century supply air to the bag for a more even tone than would happen with the warmer and moister human breath. The modification allows for more delicate reeds and smaller instruments, such as those found in the Lowlands, Ireland, Northumbria, France, and Poland.
  6. Airflow to the reeds is controlled by the player’s arm pressure.
  7. The air bags are commonly made with the skins of goats, sheep, cows, or even dogs, though synthetic materials like Gore-Tex are advancing. The bags do need periodic cleaning to prevent fungal colonies from developing as a result of condensation.
  8. There’s no easy way to stop the sound once it’s started in most instruments. That’s why bagpipe music is heard as one long legato until the air runs out.
  9. The British Empire placed Highland pipers at the head of its military processions, spreading the sound worldwide. Leading the units into battle, however, resulted in a high mortality rate. The quip, “Shoot the player,” didn’t always refer to a pianist.
  10. Bagpipes have become features of funerals and memorials for police, fire, and military personnel throughout the English-speaking world. They’re also the official instrument of the World Curling Federation, should you be feeling sporty.

Among my goals for the coming year

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 1 Comment

I don’t do “resolutions,” which all too easily become self-defeating. Goals are more like compass readings when you’re trying to get somewhere and want to leave some flexibility for when problems arise. So here’s what I’d like to improve in my life in the upcoming year.

  1. Be a better listener. That includes asking more questions rather than spewing so many facts.
  2. Do a better job of putting names and faces together and then recalling them with ease. I’ve met a lot of new people since moving Way Downeast. Too often I’m baffled when greeted by name.
  3. Cull my collections of vinyl albums and CDs, books, and private journals. There’s only so much shelf space, even with our home renovations, and no way I can play or read them all in my remaining years. Which leads to …
  4. Indulge in a reading orgy, meaning print on paper: mags, books in general, Bible, and personal journals. Put another way, that means less time at the laptop.
  5. When I am online, I intend to interact more actively with others. Yes, that includes you.
  6. Distill my files of original poetry. There’s a lot to revisit in my 50-plus years of serious writing.
  7. Get out in the wild more regularly. I’m not the hiker I was, but that shouldn’t keep me from pursuing more trails around here or even sitting quietly in the open air.
  8. Explore neighboring Canada. We got a start on that late last year. So far, the border crossings have gone smoothly. I’m hoping Grand Manan, an island reached only by ferry, will be a highlight.
  9. Do a better job of house cleaning. There have been complaints.
  10. Give more attention to my Beloved.

‘New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday’

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

With that insight from English essayist and poet Charles Lamb, let’s consider ten more quotes befitting a new year.

  1. “You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time” — Charlie Brown, Peanuts
  2. “We should celebrate every year that we made it through” — Ellen DeGeneres
  3. “Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life” — Robin Sharma
  4. “An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves” — William E. Vaughan
  5. “Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each year find you a better man” — Benjamin Franklin
  6. “It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets” — William Thomas
  7. “Many years ago, I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since” — Dave Beard
  8. “I’d rather regret the risks that didn’t work out than the chances I didn’t take at all” —Simone Biles
  9. “Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings” — Jonathan Lockwood Huie
  10. “8 p.m. is the new midnight” — unknown wit of a certain age who just could have been living where I do

Popcorn? It’s why the microwave was invented, seriously

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

In 1945, when American electronics expert, Perry Spencer paused in front of a power tube called a magnetron, he felt a “weird” feeling and noticed a chocolate candy bar in his pocket had melted. He decided to see the waves would pop popcorn, which they did.  

The microwave bags had to wait until 1981 to take shape and head for market.

~*~

But back to popcorn. So much good stuff popped up in my digging that today I’m doing a first at the Red Barn, a double Tendrils. The first ten will deal with the grain’s popularity, and the second on just what we’re eating as a snack food.

Here goes:

  1. By volume, popcorn is America’s favorite snack food
  2. Approximately 70 percent of popcorn sold in America is eaten in the home. The other 30 percent is eaten in theaters, stadiums, school, etc.
  3. Americans eat more popcorn than any other country – about 70 quarts of popcorn per person each year.
  4. Most of the popcorn eaten around the world is grown in the United States. Indiana recently overtook Nebraska as the leading producer, followed by Illinois, Ohio, and Iowa.
  5. Autumn is the peak time for consumption, followed by winter. Sales taper off in spring and summer.
  6. It’s cheap. Two tablespoons of kernels produce a quart of popcorn for about 25 cents. By the way, in case you’re counting or bored and looking for something to do, there are about 1,600 popcorn kernels in a single cup. Not that I’ve confirmed that.
  7. Its popularity as a concession-stand staple originates with Charles Cretors, an Ohio-born candy store owner who was so upset with a peanut roaster he had purchased in Iowa that he redesigned it, and moved to Chicago to manufacture more, leading him to create the original large-scale commercial popcorn machine in 1885, a line of products his family is still producing. His steam-powered machine was the first that could pop popcorn in its own seasonings uniformly. Fame and fortune followed its appearance at the 1893 World’s Fair (Columbian Exposition) in Chicago.
  8. In movie theaters, where popcorn’s been sold since 1912, about 90 cents of every dollar spent on the snack is profit. Its role as a moneymaker is enhanced by making people thirsty, leading to the sales of overpriced colas or water as well.
  9. Orville Redenbacher is the best-selling popcorn in the world. The brand’s founder, Orville, first grew popping corn in 1919, when he was just 12. He then went on to become an agricultural scientist who, according to the New York Times, became “the agricultural visionary who all but single-handedly revolutionized the American popcorn industry.” That was even became a household face with horned-rimmed glasses and a bow tie through his appearances in television commercials in the 1970s. As some of us still remember.
  10. It’s been a human food and ceremonial element for more than 5,000 years – basically, the full scope of recorded history.

~*~

Personally, I’m most likely to eat it during the Eastern Orthodox fast periods of Advent and Lent, after tackling the dietary restrictions one year and discovering how it filled in for snack foods I was missing.

And now I’m delighted to find out there’s no need to feel guilty about indulging. It’s actually healthy in addition to being vegan and gluten-free. Here’s more:

  1. It has more protein than any other cereal grain. More iron than eggs or roast beef. More fiber than pretzels or potato chips. Vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants, too. Most of the nutrients are in the hull or shell rather than the fluffy, white part.
  2. A cup of plain popcorn comes in at a mere 31 calories.
  3. Beware, though, of countering the health benefits with too much butter, salt, oil, white cheese, or caramel.
  4. The popped comes in two shapes: “mushroom” or the bigger “snowflake,” typically sold in movie theaters.
  5. Its one of six major maize types and come in three shapes: rice, pearl, and South American. Most commercial popcorn is the pearl type.
  6. The distinguishing trait shared by all types of popcorn kernels is their ability to create a flake when exposed to heat. Unlike many other grains, popcorn’s shell is not water permeable, preventing the small amount of water inside from escaping until the pressure to the point we hear the “pop.”
  7. Cooked popcorn expands up to 30 times its original size.
  8. Many other corns also pop, but their flakes are smaller. Additionally, some varieties of rice, milo, millet, and sorghum also pop. Some varieties of quinoa, a sacred Incan food, also pops like popcorn, as does amaranth.
  9. Unpopped kernels are called “spinsters” or “old maids.” As a guideline for quality popcorn, no more than two percent should remain spinsters.
  10. The ideal popping temperature for popcorn is 400-460 degrees Fahrenheit. A kernel will pop, on average, when it reaches 347.

This time of year, let’s not overlook strings of popcorn as garland for the Christmas tree and windows.

How to tell if you’re becoming a gnome

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

Ever have one of those days? You may have some serious reasons for concern if it includes the following symptoms.

  1. Feel like you’re shrinking in size? Down to two spans high?
  2. Suffer deep embarrassment or shame?
  3. Have a desire to retreat underground?
  4. Get hot-tempered? Irritable?
  5. Find gold-diggers offensive?
  6. Sense a reluctance to interact with humans?
  7. Sympathize with prudish women?
  8. Have flashes of innovation or cunning?
  9. Wild hair?
  10. Ugly?

And here I had thought these were simply symptoms of aging.

Not to be confused, geographically speaking

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

Living in Down East (aka Downeast) Maine is confusing enough, considering that it’s mostly north. How about some other place locations?

  1. Upper Cape versus Lower Cape Cod as well as the Inner Cape and Outer Cape, meaning Cape Cod, Massachusetts, not what you’d usually think
  2. Deer Isle (Penobscot Bay, Maine) versus Deer Island (Passamaquoddy Bay, New Brunswick)
  3. Swan’s Island, off the coast, versus Swan Island in the Kennebec River
  4. Saint John (New Brunswick) versus Saint Johns (Newfoundland)
  5. Round Pond versus Round Lake, both in Washington County, Maine
  6. Salem, New Hampshire, 28 miles from Salem, Massachusetts
  7. Portland (Maine) versus the newer one out west
  8. Washington, the state, versus the District of Columbia
  9. Columbia, as in the river, and Colombia, the nation
  10. Missouree, as it’s pronounced in Saint Louis, and Missourah, in the rest of the state

Woodville is its own contentious issue, at least in the renamed Baileyville in Washington County, south of the one in Aroostook. Blame the U.S. Postal Service for trying to end the confusion.