Tag: Funny

Newfoundland is really out there

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

It’s a remote land of icebergs, northern lights, puffins, and moose, the easternmost part of Canada. Now, for a few details.

  1. Although the province also includes Labrador, making it larger than California, the usual focus is on the island itself, the world’s 16th largest, ahead of Cuba, Iceland, or Ireland. The island aka “The Rock” sits at the mouth of the St. Lawrence River, creating the world’s largest estuary.
  2. It has the only verified Viking settlement in North America, around the year 1001, possibly with Leif Erikson. The UNESCO World Heritage Site is on the northern tip of the island and includes restored sod buildings; for a sense of the size of the island, it’s an 11-hour, 20-minute drive from St. John’s. Legend has Irish Monk St. Brendan arriving in the 6th century, and Englishman John Cabot may have landed in 1497. Portuguese fishermen were also prominent explorers.
  3. Newfoundland was an independent country before joining the Canadian confederation in 1949. It’s one reason it’s not considered a Maritime Province like Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Prince Edward Island.
  4. It has its own time zone, a half-hour ahead of Atlantic, although, strangely, it appears a half-hour later, as in “9 a.m. Atlantic, 9:30 Newfoundland.”
  5. Getting there can be convoluted. Flying from the U.S., for instance, generally takes nine hours; driving, 36. There are two ferry routes from Nova Scotia – the shorter one runs six- to seven-hours; the longer one, 16 hours.
  6. Just 12 miles away, off the southwestern coast of Newfoundland, are the islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon, technically part of France and a vestige of what was once New France.
  7. The Newfoundland dog and Newfoundland pony are symbols of the province.
  8. As for those striking North American puffins, 95 percent of them live in Newfoundland and Labrador, a good reason it’s the official bird of the province.
  9. Between 400 and 800 icebergs a year typically get as far south as St. John’s. Hamlets further north, such as Twilingate, get even more.
  10. It’s pronounced NEW-fundlund. Its people, informally, are Newfies – and Canadians second.

While we’re at it, do note that the Rock has some eye-raising town names. Here’s a sampling, without explanation or commentary:

  1. Dildo.
  2. Goobies.
  3. Tickle Cove.
  4. Blow Me Down.
  5. Come by Chance.
  6. Witless Bay.
  7. Cow Head.
  8. Gander.
  9. Placentia.
  10. Botwood.

St. John’s, the provincial capital and largest city, is not to be confused with St. John, New Brunswick. Both are significant seaports.

 

So I wasn’t losing my eyesight or my mind, after all

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

Back when I had an hour commute home after working an evening shift at the paper, there were a few nights when I was mesmerized by what I saw in my headlights while driving the country highways in heavy rain. As the drops splashed from the shiny black pavement, they seemed to turn into frogs that were hopping wildly. That part was freaky enough, but all of the ones I saw were leaping in the same direction, say from right to left. Hundreds of them. Thousands of them. There was no way to avoid them, either. Naturally, it was difficult to see at 60 miles an hour, and I was always anxious to get home, have a martini, and hit the sack promptly.

Why one direction? Something to do with the wind? Maybe just the angle of my headlights, so I didn’t pick up on just as many hopping in the other direction?

A few miles later, I would encounter another flock (officially, a group of frogs is called a knot, a colony, or an army, go figure) all flying in the other direction, left to right.

The phenomenon didn’t appear every time I had a heavy-rain midnight, but it did happen enough times over the decade to repeat the show, something I didn’t connect to springtime.

Turns out, as a recent Sunday Afternoon presentation at the Eastport Arts Center prompted, I wasn’t hallucinating. Didn’t need my eyes checked or a pair of glasses for driving. And wasn’t losing my mind. Frogs, toads, and salamanders have a Big Night (or two) in early spring when heavy rain, an inch or more, combines with thawing ice and snow to signal the amphibians to leave their winter shelter and return to emerging ephemeral vernal pools for breading. The high, shrill chirping chorus of peepers soon fills the night air for a few weeks after.

The temporary shallow ponds are fishless, and thus free of predators in the amphibian-breeding forest wetlands. With their job done around the time summer rolls in, the pools dry up for another year.

How about another serving of spuds?

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

This is what happens when I dig up too much for a single Tendrils. To wit:

  1. “You can’t really be good at cooking unless you can cook a potato.” ― Julia Child
  2. “Potatoes are the one food that makes everybody happy.” ― Rachael Ray
  3. “All food starting with p is comfort food: pasta, potato chips, pretzels, peanut butter, pastrami, pizza, pastry.” — Sara Paretsky
  4. “Potatoes are the ultimate comfort food, especially when they come with gravy.” ― Trisha Yearwood
  5. “Few people sufficiently appreciate the colossal task of feeding a world of billions of omnivores who demand meat with their potatoes.” — Jonathan Safran Foer
  6. ”Preparing food is one of life’s great joys, but a lot of times, parents ask their kids if they want to cook with them and then tell them to go peel a bag of potatoes. That’s not cooking — that’s working!” — Guy Fieri
  7. “If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. But if you want to make mashed potatoes, you need just a potato and a little salt.” ― Carl Sagan
  8. “People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand that there must be a reason for this.” — Fran Lebowitz
  9. “World hunger will not be solved by finishing the garlic mashed potatoes on your plate.” — Geneen Roth
  10. “Potatoes are proof that God loves us.” ― Benjamin Franklin

 

How do you like your potatoes?

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 1 Comment

I was going to delve into ten facts about spuds but wound up with round of tasty quotes instead. Dish up!

  1. “Unbelievable as it may seem, one-third of all vegetables consumed in the United States come from just three sources: French fries, potato chips, and iceberg lettuce.” ― Marion Nestle
  2. “I bought a big bag of potatoes and it’s growing eyes like crazy. Other foods rot. Potatoes want to see.” ― Bill Callahan, Letters to Emma Bowlcut
  3. “Potatoes are to food what sensible shoes are to fashion.” ― Linda Wells
  4. “A lucky person is someone who plants pebbles and harvests potatoes.” — Greek proverb
  5. “Potatoes are very interesting folks. I think they must see a lot of what is going on in the earth — they have so many eyes.” — Opal Whiteley
  6. “Look at that moon. Potato weather for sure.” — Thornton Wilder
  7. “Every Irishman, the saying goes, has a potato in his head.” — Augustus Hare
  8. “It is always wise to make too much potato salad. Even if you are cooking for two, make enough for five. Potato salad improves with age — that is, if you are lucky enough to have any left over.” — Laurie Colwin
  9. “Zen … does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes.” — Alan Watts
  10. “Murder is like potato chips: you can’t stop with just one.” — Stephen King

 

Favorite garden accessories

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

Remember, I’m not the gardener in this operation. Still, for me?

  1. Loppers: I use mine both in the garden to trim thick-stemmed plants, and around the yard to trim hedges and small limbs of trees or prune shrubs – sometimes even to cut branches into firewood. It’s probably my most used tool, actually.
  2. Nippers: Not just to cut small plants but rope, twine, and zip-ties, too. Usually beats scissors.
  3. Speaking of twine: Jute is a favorite. Whatever you use to tie plants in place or as lines for peas and climbing beans, you’ll rarely find it when you need it.
  4. Wheelbarrow: Not just for dirt, either. Big bags of compost, mulch, or fertilizer can be a bear to tote without this. Rocks, bricks, stones, as well. Hauling things away from the beds, too, can quickly fill one.
  5. A good spade: Meaning one with a handle attached so it won’t pull out – it’s essential in planting season, especially if you don’t have a rototiller. It’s also helpful in uprooting plants at the end of the season. We also have a ton of rocks in the yard, and it gets a workout there.
  6. Trowels: Especially since they’re easily misplaced or lost, if you don’t stick them upright in the ground when you’re done.
  7. A skinny shovel: The usual broad size can be frustrating more times than you’d suspect.
  8. Five-gallon buckets: Even if you don’t collect seaweed for fertilizing and mulching, you will find endless ways to fill one: water, fertilizer, compost, garden produce, firewood tinder.
  9. Bricks: OK, not actually a tool, but they sure come in handy in holding tarps or black plastic weed-cover in place or for propping up plant pots for display. A few concrete blocks are also good to have on hand.
  10. Band-aids: No matter how careful you are, you will get nicked.

So what about you?

As I’ve said, writers’ advice goes beyond the page

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

Here are some more examples.

  1. “Always carry a note-book. And I mean always. The short-term memory only retains information for three minutes; unless it is committed to paper you can lose an idea for ever.” – Will Self
  2. “[F]ocus on your own journey, and try not to worry about what’s going on in the lane next to you. I know it’s hard, because it feels natural to compare. And sometimes it’s important, to know what barriers exist and how they impact marginalized writers. But from a productivity standpoint, the comparisons tend to do more harm than good. Because everyone’s publishing journey is different.” – Akemi Dawn Bowman
  3. “Everyone has ups and downs at different moments, and paying too much attention to what other people are getting is only going to slow you down. Focus on the page, and the words, and do what you do best—write.” – Akemi Dawn Bowman
  4. “We’re all students of the craft and every book we read is another chance to learn. Read voraciously. And write exactly the kinds of books you like best.” – Mindy Mejia
  5. “Always stop while you are going good and don’t worry about it until you start to write the next day. That way your subconscious will work on it all the time. But if you think about it consciously or worry about it, you will kill it and your brain will be tired before you start.” – Ernest Hemingway
  6. “Words have extraordinary power—their definitions and colloquial meanings, the way they evolve, and where they come from. Be deliberate and selective about the words you choose. Be voracious about collecting new words for your authorial toolkit. Always look up words you’ve never met before. And above all, wield your words for good, for creativity, and for the cultivation of knowledge.” – Jeff Zafarris
  7. “You’re most likely going to spend a long time writing a book, and then more time promoting it, so make it something you’re passionate about so that even when you collapse into bed exhausted at the end of the day (or fall asleep on your couch with your laptop open, as I’m prone to do), you’ll feel fulfilled.” – Haley Shapley
  8. “A successful career in writing typically takes too long to achieve to be writing something you’re not passionate about. Write from your heart, and write what gets you excited to sit at your computer every day. Most of all, make sure you have a life while doing it—exercise, teach, build, vote, explore, learn, grow, fellowship, and most of all, love. It will not only inform your writing but you’ll also be a healthier person for it, mentally and physically.” – Christopher J. Moore
  9. “Write often. I won’t go so far as to say you have to write every day, but I do think you need to make this a part of the texture of your life, something that you do on a regular basis, like a workout schedule.” – Leslie Lutz
  10. “Then, learn to let go. Let go of old drafts that aren’t going anywhere, or scenes that don’t work. Don’t spend months tweaking a fundamentally flawed project when you can move on to the wonderful new projects that are percolating in your head. The ‘you must start what you finish’ attitude—although admirable—can actually be a pitfall, because it prevents you from taking a necessary course correction when you need it.” – Leslie Lutz

Wilbur and Orville weren’t the only Wright Brothers

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

THEY WERE “PKs,” meaning “preacher’s kids,” a difficult role for nearly every child put in its unwanted spotlight. Beyond that, theirs does appear to be a tight-laced family, even with its strong strain of moral and social progress. We can even wonder what the brothers’ diagnosis would have been today; there are speculations of “somewhere on the spectrum.”

Still, they did put humans into the air and, more importantly, brought them down safely.

We’ll put their technological breakthroughs aside today and instead focus on the more personal surroundings of Wilbur (1867-1912) and Orville (1871-1948), sons of Bishop Milton Wright and Susan Catherine Koerner Wright.

Like me, they were both born in Dayton, Ohio, and we were members of a congregation their father had founded. (He also founded a seminary.)

And, gee, a photo of the house they grew up in looks almost identical to my grandparents’.

Here are ten more interesting points gleaned from the Web:

  1. Neither one graduated from high school. They were, however, friends of classmate Paul Laurence Dunbar, the school’s only Black student, now an acclaimed poet, and in time, at their print shop, they published a newspaper he created. Yes, they were printers and bicycle manufacturers before they built airplanes.
  2. They learned many of their mechanical skills from their mother, who had attended Hartville College, a small United Brethren school in Indiana, at a time when few women were permitted such an opportunity. Her focus, tellingly, was literature, science, and mathematics. In 1853, she met the future bishop. He had joined the church in 1846 because of its stand on political and moral issues including alcohol, the abolition of slavery, and opposition to “secret societies” such as Freemasonry, values she shared. Working together as his ministry developed, they brought their boys to 12 different homes across Indiana and Iowa before returning permanently to Dayton in 1884.
  3. A year or so later, while playing an ice-skating game with friends Wilbur was struck in the face with a hockey stick by Oliver Crook Haugh, whose other claim to fame would be as a serial killer. Wilbur lost his front teeth. Up until then, he had been vigorous and athletic, but the emotional impact left him socially withdrawn, and rather than attending Yale as planned, he spent the next few years largely housebound, indulging in the family’s extensive library and caring for his mother, who was terminally ill with tuberculosis.
  4. More befitting a PK, in elementary school Orville was prone to mischief, including practical jokes, and even expelled once.
  5. They weren’t the only Wright brothers. Reuchlin (1861-1920) was their oldest sibling. Born in a log cabin in Indiana, he grew into a restless young man, failed college twice, then moved to Kansas City in 1889, distancing himself from his family. He worked in Kansas City as a bookkeeper until 1901, then moved on to a Kansas farm with his wife and children to raise cattle. Though he built a good life for his family there, he remained estranged from the rest of his family in Dayton.
  6. Lorin (1862-1939) spent time on the Kansas frontier before attending Hartville College in 1882 and returning to Dayton, where he had difficulty making a living. So he left for Kansas City in 1886 (before his elder brother), struggled, briefly, returned to Dayton, and then headed west again, where he scraped out a living on the Kansas frontier for two years before returning home in 1889, lonely and homesick. He worked as a bookkeeper for a carpet store in Dayton and married his childhood sweetheart, Ivonette Stokes, in 1892; they had four children as he settled down to a quiet life. In 1893, he worked for Wilbur and Orville in their print shop, and in 1900 helped sister Katharine manage the Wright Cycle company while their brothers were in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. He visited Wilbur and Orville at Kitty Hawk in 1902, notified the press in 1903 after their first powered flights, and lent them his barn to build the machine that eventually became the first United States military aircraft. In 1911, he helped test the first airplane autopilot and in 1915, spied on Glenn Curtiss to gather information for the Wright patent suit against the rival airplane manufacturer. After Orville sold the Wright Company, Lorin bought an interest in Miami Wood Specialties, the company manufactured a toy that Orville designed. He also was elected a city commissioner in Dayton.
  7. Twins Otis and Ida (1870) died in infancy. He, of jaundice; she, five days later, of marasmus – malnutrition.
  8. Their youngest sibling, Katharine (1874-1929), could be the subject of a Tendril all her own. She was only 15 years old when her mother died of tuberculosis in 1889. As the only female child, it was taken for granted that she would assume her mother’s role—which she did – caring for the family and managing the household. She was especially close to Wilbur and Orville, and when her mother died it became her responsibility to take over the household, seemingly ending any prospects of marriage. Yet she also graduated from Oberlin, at the other corner of the state, in 1898, the only Wright child to complete college. She then became a highly respected teacher at Dayton’s Steele High School. After Orville’s injury in a 1908 test flight for the military at Fort Myer, Virginia, she took a leave of absence from her teaching job to nurse him back to health and never returned to teaching. Instead, she became a central figure in her brothers’ aviation enterprises. In 1909, the French awarded her, along with Wilbur and Orville, the Legion d’Honneur, making her one of the only women from the U.S. to receive one. After Wilbur’s death in 1912, Orville became more and more dependent on Kate, as his old injuries had him in severe pain. She looked after his correspondence and business engagements along with his secretary, Mabel Beck, and ran the household as before. In the 1920s, Kate began to renew correspondence with an old flame from her college days, a newspaperman named Henry Haskell, who lived in Kansas City. (What is it with Kansas City for this family?) They quickly began a romance through their letters, but she feared Orville would become jealous. After several attempts, Henry broke the news to Orville, who was devastated and refused to speak to the couple. When they finally wed in 1926, Orville refused to attend the ceremony, and wouldn’t speak to them up until they moved to Kansas City. She was ridden with guilt for choosing Henry over her brother, and tried many times for a reconciliation, but Orville stubbornly refused. Two years after her marriage, Katharine contracted pneumonia. Even when Orville found out, he refused to contact her. It was their brother Lorin who eventually persuaded him to visit her on her deathbed, and was with her when she died. She was 54.
  9. None of the Wright children had middle names. Wilbur and Orville were “Will” and “Orv” to their friends, and “Ullam” and “Bubs” to each other.
  10. The parents and siblings, minus Reuch, are buried at Woodland cemetery in Dayton.

For a broader view, let me suggest The Bishop’s Boys: A Life of Wilbur and Orville Wright  by Tom Crouch.

The United Brethren denomination also figures prominently in my posts at Orphan George.

 

A few things you don’t know about this Aquarian

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 2 Comments

Despite all these outings as a writer, not just as a blogger but as a poet and novelist, too, let me confess, I …

  1. Almost always feel like an outsider.
  2. Struggle at small talk.
  3. Look at idealized writer’s studios and realize they could have been what’s now my bedroom.
  4. Can be blamed for too often having taken my romantic partner as a muse.
  5. Can’t stand wet feet unless I’m swimming. Or, more frequently, showering.
  6. Assume true love always involves pain.
  7. Had some horrid toilet-training that lingers.
  8. Love foggy mornings when I linger in bed, sipping decaf (these days) and reading.
  9. Add to that listening to the rain muffled on the metal roof just overhead, perhaps while falling asleep.
  10. Can’t keep up with all the reading I attempt to do, much less any of the rest I should be tackling.

Typical comments from our cruise ship visitors

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

In season, we like interacting with the passengers from visiting cruise ships. Eastport does limit the ships to no more than one a day, and most of the ships come after the summer season and many of our retailers had traditionally closed up. For the restaurants and stores, the ships more than doubled the retail season and often provide the best days of the year. What a relief!

So here’s a sampling.

  1. There are no yachts! This is a real working harbor!
  2. Where can I find a lobster dinner? Or a fresh lobster roll.
  3. It’s so lovely. (Or, quaint. Or, charming.)
  4. Is this typical weather? (Think of June with temps in the lower 50s.)
  5. What are the winters like? Is snow a problem? How much snow do you get?
  6. Your garden looks great.
  7. This is an island?
  8. Do you have schools?
  9. That’s Canada?
  10. It’s not like other ports, we feel welcome.

 Some inquire about lighthouses or the Bay of Fundy.

The crew members, meanwhile, want to know how to get to the IGA and Family Dollar, where they stock up on snacks and junk food. They quickly establish a kind of ant trail moving in both directions.

There were some positive steps for our City in the Bay last year

~ Jnana Hodson ~ Leave a comment

For a small community like ours, with just 1,300 year-round residents, though that swells in summer when the owners of second homes return, our shop owners and restaurateurs have to hustle to make their income during the summer season, long before the notorious Black Friday after Thanksgiving that other retailers rely on.

Our port’s growing popularity with the passengers of cruise ships, especially in the autumn, has provided a definite economic boost and essentially doubled our retailing season.

With that background, here are ten positive steps we saw in our local economy in 2025.

  1. Fiber optic cable came to Eastport and much of Way Downeast, providing both faster broadband connectivity as well as some healthy competition for dominant Spectrum. It’s especially important for many who work from home.
  2. The last leg of the I-395 bypass around Bangor finally opened, in time for the Fourth of July, even. (Officially, the new stretch is State Route 9 and only two lanes, but it is limited-access.) This eliminated a narrow country road link that fed into a typically congested stop-and-go suburban jag between Way Downeast Maine and the rest of the United States. It also shortened the driving time for us to get to major services in metropolitan Bangor, things that the rest of you take for granted, or for deliveries to get to us way out here.
  3. A savvy, local-oriented new and used bookstore opened downtown. It’s an inviting place to sit and read the latest. She knows her stuff and what makes our region tick. As an author, I can say how wonderful it is to be represented on her shelves.
  4. We gained a six-day-a-week bakery, the kind that makes real croissants and yummy breakfast sandwiches. Its opening overcomes the loss of our bagel shop a few years earlier, after its founders realized it was too much to tackle while still having full-time jobs elsewhere. Maybe folks will even stop lamenting a dedicated bakery that closed before the Covid shutdowns.
  5. There are solid choices for great coffee seven-days-a-week now. In addition to the bakery and the bookstore (yes!), an established gourmet coffee roaster has moved into the earlier espresso joint, this time six mornings a week instead of hit-or-miss hours. If you’re up here for a week, this will definitely brighten your day.
  6. Our fine dining options on Water Street have certainly improved. The wine bar now has a full kitchen and a masterful chef who curates a new menu weekly, featuring local sourcing while keeping the price-point in reach of us locals. Ye Ole Hookers, an upgraded incarnation of a legendary waterfront bar, also added a talented cook in the evenings, and we confidently recommend both locations for those who want something more memorable than average diner fare at the other end of the downtown. (In fairness, the Waco has stepped up its game by opening its Schooner Room with evening specials many nights of the week, too.) Gone is the motto many of us repeated a few years ago, “Don’t get hungry in Eastport on Monday.”
  7. The lobster pound returned to outdoor, next-to-the-tides seafood service after a multi-year hiatus. It doesn’t get any more iconic than this. And it is a relief to give an affirmative answer to the common question, “Where can I find a lobster dinner (or lobster roll) around here?”
  8. Ten years after the resident schooner in our harbor went down in the collapse of a section of the Breakwater pier, Eastport Windjammers (our whale watch service) once again has a schooner in its fleet. The Halie & Matthew’s day-sailing cruises are one more attraction for visitors. As an added twist, the two-masted ship was built in Eastport in 2006, so it’s also a homecoming.
  9. Passenger ferry service between Eastport and Lubec resumed on weekends. It’s a great way for tourists to view our waters and mosey around another town.
  10. Our volunteer airport opened a spacious terminal, something that can greet private pilots to our neck of the woods and assist locals who are being flown (gratis) to medical specialists in Boston, 352 miles or a six-hour-drive away. It even brings us a step closer to getting puddle-jumper commercial airline service.

Cheers to all!