Category: Personal Journey

URBAN AND OTHER WILDLIFE

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 2 Comments

As I said at the time …

We had enjoyed a glorious summer afternoon of swimming and canoeing at Pawtuckaway and, leaving the state park, we stopped by a tranquil reflecting pond to take photographs of a large beaver lodge. With my girlfriend behind me as while walked the frequently used trail at the edge of the woods, I heard her voice just as we were coming upon a grassy stretch: “Hey, this is a marshy area and that’s where SNA …” I half turned to reassure her that she wouldn’t see a snake, it happens very rarely in the outdoors, unless you’re really looking for them; consider how few times I’ve seen them in the wild and how far I’ve explored. But when I caught her expression the same moment I heard a slithering in the grass ahead of me and whipped my head about to see the last half of a vigorously moving reptile flash across the pathway a half dozen feet ahead, I wasn’t surprised when I heard her say, “I’m getting out of here. I’ll meet you at the car.” Actually, my biggest surprise was in how rational see was being, considering the depth of her fear. This is the same woman who, several weeks earlier, had nearly ripped another friend’s arm in half with her paralysis when a similar situation arose at Walden Pond. I’ve never before been with anyone who can call snakes from their lairs.

A week or two later, as we were walking about, looking for a restaurant in Boston’s Back Bay, I noticed two little critters playfully wrestling on an ivy-lined entryway to a church. Thinking they were chipmunks, I said, “Oh, look,” and as she turned her head, I saw in that fearful slow motion that they had long tails. Rats! Before I could divert her attention …

YET ANOTHER PILE OF OBSOLESCENCE

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 7 Comments

Years ago my father gave me a small metal cabinet with 18 one-inch-deep plastic drawers, each 2.5-by-6 inches. It was intended to hold screws, nuts and bolts, and other small items for the household repair shop – but mine wound up in my studio, where it holds small items of the writer’s trade. An artist’s pencil sharpener, push pins, souvenir fossils and flakes of mica, fountain pen cartridges, staples (for the stapler), a measuring tape, clothespins, business cards, foreign coins, colorful paperclips in both small and large sizes.

The last item – three of the drawers, in fact – recently stopped me cold.

Not so long ago, or so it seemed, I started collecting them at the office as we went through the mail. My literary work at home included a hefty dose of correspondence – not just submissions, either – and the bright-color clips seemed a much brighter option than the usual shiny steel in circulation.

As I gazed on them this time, though, I started to wonder what I’ll really be doing with them. Submissions are all done online these days, as is most correspondence, even of the personal streak. Maybe I’ll clip materials together when offering a workshop here or there, but I’ll never go through my stash.

Add to that the manila envelopes and cardboard backing, the loud bursts of colorful folders and binders, even the three bottles of typewriter correction fluid.

Not too long ago I wanted more filing cabinets, but as elder daughter informs me, folks can’t even give those away these days. Besides, I stopped printing out manuscripts long ago. Talk about downsizing?

Makes me wonder what’s next to go. Not that I’m really comfortable with any of these changes.

RADAR VIEW AND THE EXPERIENCE

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 1 Comment

Looking at the forecast a while back, trying to figure out whether we’d actually be hit by thunderstorms, I played with the radar view on the online map and saw – for the second or third time in as many days – some heavy activity in Upstate New York. The stuff that was headed our way.

Brought back some intense memories of my first summer after college, when I was living with two others in a neighborhood that fluctuated between Italian during the day and black ghetto at night. Much of it, I should add, has since been leveled, at least from what I see in the satellite photos of the neighborhood.

We lived on the second floor, with a porch on the front that overlooked the street as well as windows in the parlor and dining room that looked out into the foothills – or mountains down the valley, as this flatlander viewed them. Still, it seemed that most late afternoons that June included a dramatic thunderstorm rolling in. The mountains would disappear in swirling gray and then emerge in slices, at best, before becoming whole again. It was nothing like anything I’d viewed in the Midwest.

The radar, of course, doesn’t present that part of the experience. But for me, at the time, it was magical.

Don’t think I’ve ever viewed a thunderstorm quite the same since, either.

 

DIGGING OUT INTO SUMMER

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 2 Comments

Now that winter’s over, some of us are finding difficulty in trying to shift gears. Yes, the snow’s finally melted, but that’s not how I feel.

I suppose officially I’ve been enduring a mild depression, though for me that means mostly emotional numbness along with some simmering anger. Call it the blahs. No need to go into details here, other than to admit there were a few complicating elements of chronic negativity in the air.

What does matter is the feeling of being stuck. Molasses. Even impoverished, no matter the reality.

Where’s the joy, the sunlight, the ongoing pleasure?

There have been small steps. The daily indoor swimming, for one. Yes, it’s still a daily effort but also an emerging sense of accomplishment and meeting some goals. I’ve also been growing my hair out, which is going much slower than the first time around – don’t know if I’ll keep it this way, either, just wanted to revisit that side of my hippie past. Still, the seemingly terminal winter chilled much of my desire to play with my Christmas-gift camera, even if I did get some shots I’ll likely post next winter. (I just didn’t want to put any more snow and ice up on the Web. It was getting tedious.) And there’s been some overdue reading, including a bout of Philip Roth, pro and con.

The question, on this merry-go-round? Well, a cluster of questions, actually.

What’s really at the center? Where’s my core energy? What do I have to offer to others? To the world? How do I become a better person, more open to others? More compassionate, especially? In other words, how do I more fully engage the spiritual life before me?

Time to turn some soil, transplant sprouts, plant some seeds. Ideally, helping others – or sharing companionship in the process.

In other words, here we go ’round again.

ALL THE FITNESS THAT FITS

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 3 Comments

Physical fitness has never been high on my list of priorities. Not the ones that actually find action. Yes, there have been stages where hatha yoga was a routine activity. And getting ready for mountain trails could be another.

Right after college, as I mentioned a while back, I did swim indoor laps through one winter – maybe two or three times a week.

So here I am, in retirement, getting back into the swimming – in part a consequence of elder daughter’s Christmas gift of a yearlong pass to the city’s indoor pool, and in part due to the urging of my physician.

It’s interesting watching the stages of adjustment here.

The first month, three laps – a mere three – were my limit of ability. And that was a fight, three times a week. A fight for air. A fight to get to the end of the lane. It was embarrassing.

Slowly, I’ve been edging up to 10 laps a day, five days a week. Sometimes more.

Each length of the pool has its own kind of stroke, a rotation of free-style, back, breast, and each side. It helps keeping count, too.

Since nine laps is a bit more than a quarter-mile, it’s adding up.

With my sinuses and allergies, breathing will always be a problem. At least I’m able to do half of my lengths without the nose clips now. (What a relief!)

One breakthrough came in sensing I was no longer fighting to get from one end to the other but instead engaging the resistance of the water to my advantage. That’s not the same as being at home in the water or even relaxed, but it does change the relationship.

And then there was the recognition of moments of ease – say in the glide pushing off from the end or easing off at the other, or the lift between strokes.

The other afternoon, pausing before returning to my car, I realized I was exhausted, as I always am after the laps. But there was also another sensation. I felt GOOD. As in satisfied.

Allelujah!

A WHIFF OF DAYS PAST

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 4 Comments

As I said at the time …

Guess one of the advantages of living in a rental unit is that the smell of fresh-cut grass is provided by the maintenance crew – allowing me a little more time for reading, writing, and screwing around.

I see it’s time to make some more coffee. Care for a mug? Catch you later!

50-50-50 RULE

~ Jnana Hodson ~ 2 Comments

Many folks won’t swim in the Gulf of Maine even in the height of summer. It’s just too cold, they say.

I can sympathize, though some perspective helps. Rarely is the Atlantic around here warm enough before the Fourth of July. Oh, there may be a few rare days, but nothing dependable. We’ve found that anything below 57 F is foolish – even when the air temp’s over a hundred.

Yup, 57. That’s the blue-toe limit: edge into the surf bit by bit. First, the toes. Then out. Back again, top of the foot. Out again. Back again, to the ankles. You get the idea. If you actually make it to total submersion, you come out fast. Like a bullet.

Over time swimming here, you might even get to the point where you can guess within a degree or two. Sixty’s about my bottom line for swimming. Sixty-five is where the water starts to get comfortable. And 70, a rare delight, is heavenly.

For reference, I’ve come to rely on the NOAA Northeast USA Recent Marine Data Web page, which includes readings from buoys. Lately, as the water temps have been edging 50 F – finally even a tad over before ebbing – it’s become a topic of conversation.

Which prompted this response the other day: Ever hear of the 50-50-50 Rule?

Eh?

Fifty minutes in 50-degree water gives you a 50 percent chance of drowning. (Or 50 percent chance of surviving, depending on your outlook on life.)

In light of the blue-toe limit, I had no idea the odds could be that favorable. Not that I ever intend to press them.