NEXT THING I KNEW

I dream of a kind of writing that approaches, well, dreaming. A narrative of free-floating, widely associative surrealism that’s richly informed by fomenting emotions.

So the other morning I was somewhere in the vicinity of what I report in my novella, With a Passing Freight Train of 119 Cars and Twin Cabooses, and having coffee with an ex-boss, maybe even at the same cafe frequented by John Wycliffe and Hieronymus Bosch in my book. We were too far from the ocean to be considering his sailboat, so we must have been discussing a story in the works. Or maybe politics or updating him on office gossip, now that he’s moved on.

Next thing I knew, we were joined by Jerry Seinfeld – as he was on the show, who knows what he looks like now – and an invisible stranger. Jerry started telling me that’s not how he would have constructed the scene under consideration in my new story.

“When it comes to going to the dentist,” he said, “I would make it as awful as I could. Everything has to go wrong.”

But that’s not how it happened, I want to reply. It’s not true – not true to the facts.

“So?” I can hear from his end. “Wouldn’t it be true to the dream? And much funnier?”

He’d have a point. I’m still thinking about it.

For the record, let me say – there are no scenes with dentists in my novels. And maybe just two or three poems with the hygienist.

Train 1~*~

For this volume and more, click here.

LEARNING FROM THE MONGOLIAN REINDEER HERDERS

With my plunge into yoga discipline early in my adult years, I came to an appreciation of non-Western ways of perceiving the world around us. For someone rooted in scientific, empirical , Aristotelian logical thought, this came as a jolt. Or, as Gary Snyder has argued, every poet must have an appreciation of some archaic system of awareness, be it astrology, I Ching, tarot, palmistry, well, you get the picture. Just listen and look.

What I’ve come to appreciate is the alternative wisdom carried by Native American elders, gurus of all sorts, and the range of those labeled shamans, East and West.

And so, at last summer’s sessions of New England Yearly Meeting of Friends, I was intrigued by an opportunity to view a movie on Mongolian shamans. It’s a remarkable work, by a registered nurse who has worked for two decades with nomadic reindeer herders in Mongolia. Having earned their trust and respect, and realizing their own vulnerability in the face of global changes, the shamans allowed her to film their healing ceremonies.

As I viewed the documentary, I was struck by how much of what she observed leads into Tibetan Buddhism, too.

This is remarkable work. What is healing, anyway? From a Christian point of view, I can say healing can differ from a cure. So just what happens in a shaman ceremony? And where can Eastern and Western health care interact? How much of our physical state is a reflection of our emotional and spiritual conditions.

We might wonder, too, how the Nativity stories would appear from the world view of the  herders, how much their insights would inform us about shepherds and angels. Would a stable be that much different from the homes where the shamans enact their rites? As for the Magi? Or the heavenly wonder? Or even an oppressive political and economic presence? As the Gospel message insists, the world needs healing, no doubt about it.

To learn more of the reindeer herder perspective, go to Nomadicare.

THEY’RE THERE, ALL THE SAME

How difficult it is to see fish in the water, especially when looking in from above. They’re so perfectly camouflaged.

It’s another of the things I’ve observed living along a river and near the ocean. Or even looking into the large tank at the New England Aquarium for the divers doing maintenance below, where only their bubbles give them away.

We look and still miss so many things right in front of us. As for me, I like to think I behold everything. Now what were the color of the bank teller’s eyes just a minute ago? I’m clueless. What what make and model was the car that ran the stop sign and nearing collided with us just moments before that? I was caught breathless. And you want to talk about God?

Of course, it helps to know where to start looking. If you can.

REAMS OF CORRESPONDENCE

She wanted to review our email exchanges from our days of courtship but couldn’t find copies of what she’d sent me. Hoped I had printouts.

I’ve been downsizing, so some things weren’t where I expected to find them. Knew I had a loose-leaf binder somewhere.

Nowhere in my studio, though, the one in the attic. No, not the bookshelves or even the remaining filing cabinets or the knee-high closet under the roof. Nor in the first sweep of the loft of the barn. Not in the drawer of surviving correspondence there, either.

Naturally, I was perplexed.

One more round, though, and I came across a crate of binders. Aha! First one had Quaker letters, back before Internet. Second one, other letters. And then, a three-inch thick binder, our nine months of emails. My first emails, actually. How embarrassing … and fascinating! So long ago, it now seems.

Has me reflecting on how much times have changed, too – amazed, on one hand, how much I actually sent out in the postal system and received in reply. Where did the time come from? And reflecting, on another side, at how much today would be a click and later delete … and thus lost. (Printouts? Too tedious, most of the time.)

Another question even has me pondering how much of my poetry and fiction would have simply been shot off as blog posts rather than tediously typed and retyped, revised and condensed into literature, had another option existed?

If my small-press acceptances letters fill three filing drawers, as they do, the rejections would take up 20 times the space. Where would I put them? Or why?

Now, back to the juicy stuff …

CLEARING THE DECK … OR IS IT SIMPLY HOUSECLEANING?

Ideally, I’d allow a lot more time between the release of my latest book and the next. Give readers an opening to catch on to what I’m doing and then to catch up – or even a breather.

But I’m not, for several reasons.

  • The first, quite simply, is that the backlog weighs on me and inhibits the next stage of writing. For me, it’s been like looking at a very long to-do list or piles stacked around a room, all mumbling for attention someday. I prefer to work with a clear desk and plenty of room to assemble to new endeavor. (I’ve never known how Chinese cooks can prepare a multicourse dinner using a single-burner hotplate and barely more space – I’m not the kind of worker, even in the kitchen.)
  • On top of it, the practice of submitting pieces to small-press journals is time-consuming, tedious, and piecemeal at best. In many cases, the audience is smaller than what shows up at the Barn, so the desired recognition is unlikely to result. And there are all the files to maintain and update. I’m sensing there are better ways for me to build and maintain those connections at this point in my literary career. So, after more than a thousand appearances in those periodicals, I’ve taken a hiatus.
  • So much of my writing – especially the fiction – has been drafted on the fly before being uprooted to a new location and fresh set of challenges and experiences before I could fully digest those already in process. At last, being settled in one place for the past decade and a half has allowed me the stability to revisit and revise those works and bring them to some sense of closure. (Something regular readers here at the Barn are no doubt perceiving in my zigzag postings.)
  • And then, at my age, I have no way of knowing whether I’ll be around 20 years from now to dole out the backlog – or even whether the book publishing world will still be available. The ebook option is a big opening that could close up at any time, the way hitchhiking flourished and suddenly ceased. Think of Amazon and its recent actions, for starters.
  • Besides, to be candid, each of my works is different – I don’t expect anyone to read everything I create. Rather, I hope a given reader will find something among them that will appeal, even while skipping over others.

As I watch my filing cabinets empty and the piles shrink, please understand the joy I’m feeling. Understand, too, how liberating I’m finding the opportunity to publish at Smashwords and Thistle/Flinch. And please delve into those offerings.

AS A SPIRITUAL AND MORAL COMPASS

Here’s a quote I’ve long treasured:

The statement commonly heard in some circles, “All religions lead to the same goal,” is the result of fantastically sloppy thinking and no practice.

It’s by a not-yet-30 Gary Snyder, “now making it in Japan” as the contributor’s blurb proclaims, where he’d gone to immerse himself in Zen Buddhism. I love the youthful bravura, not just “slopping thinking” but “fantastically sloppy.” And, of course, I totally agree with his conclusion that all religions don’t lead to the same goal, much less arise from the same promptings.

His very next sentence, though, continues to jolt me:

It is good to remember that all religions are nine-tenths fraud and are responsible for numerous social evils.

Ouch! Remember, he’s already deep in what would be years of Zen study in Japan and he’s aware of social evils in even that track? And fraud? Despite the many shortcomings I could cite in Quaker action past and present, “social evils” and “fraud” do not come up on my radar, even acknowledging the years when entertainment was taboo. As for the ashram? Well, I’m discovering much I didn’t see at the time.

Still, it’s that one-tenth that redeems the rest, the three elements Snyder values at the conclusion of the essay:

… contemplation (and not by use of drugs), morality (which usually means social protest to me), and wisdom …

The essay – “Note on the Religious Tendencies,” originally published in 1959 in Liberation magazine and republished a year later as “Notes from Kyoto” in Seymour Krim’s The Beats anthology (“Raw, penetrating stories, poems and social criticism by Jack Kerouac, Norman Mailer, Allen Ginsberg, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, and many others” – Snyder was not yet famous) has not reappeared in his later collections, as far as I’m aware. I am curious if it’s merely been overlooked or if he’s rather backpedaled from its brashness. I still love to reflect on it, though.

“Social protest,” I might add, for me comes in traditions that challenge the conventions of the larger society at large. Think Amish, for instance. Just living, that is, as a witness.

FREE COFFEE, LOAVES, AND FISHES

At a week-long conference last summer, the caffeine addicts made rounds through the campus bookstore, where coffee was available all day, unlike the cafeteria between meals.

So the first morning I poured a cup from the carafe and prepared to pay, I was told, “It’s free.” Eh? The sign says one dollar. “Somebody already paid for you.”

So I smiled at getting a free cup … and threw a buck into the jar for the next person to come along.

Let’s say simply, I had free coffee all week. Really felt good about it, too.

Keep thinking that was the secret of the loaves and fishes when the thousands gathered to hear Jesus. What happens when we simply open up a bit rather than hoard.

THE ECUMENICAL TWIST

A statement by the Roman Catholic chaplain during a coffee table conversation back in my freshman year of college has stuck with me: “It’s easy to be ecumenical when you’re all losing members.” Remember, that was back in the ’60s, before the real declines kicked in.

At the time, I’d recently abandoned the mainstream Protestant teachings of my childhood and anything else that smacked of religion. It would be another five or six years before I’d venture into anything vaguely spiritual, and that would be by way of the physical exercises known as Hatha Yoga as they led on into meditation and then the monastic life of the ashram.

(Ecumenical? I may have jettisoned the teachings, but I was still a tad scandalized by the fact the chaplain smoked cigars, something that was definitely taboo among the clergy I’d known.)

One of the lessons of daily practice in ashram was the importance of upholding a tradition and delving ever deeper into it rather than importing from others. I remember Swami’s negative reaction when I introduced some Hindu chants that didn’t come down through our line. Sometimes, too, we’d have visitors who were essentially hopping from one yoga ashram or Zen center or Tibetan temple or otherwise exotic circle to the next, the way a tourist might “do” Europe. We were told to be polite but not expend too much energy on them, sensing their desire was basically superficial or shallow.

Over the years I’ve come to appreciate the unique aspects of different communities of faith practice. In each tradition, to go deep requires focus – and no one can do everything, much less do it well. “Ecumenical,” to my ears, has usually conveyed a sense of generic blandness, a reach for the lowest common denominator, an erosion of something.

But not always. Sometimes, especially in smaller localities like mine, it’s been a means of sharing resources for action. The soup kitchen and food pantry are two examples, along with the monthly gatherings of the clergy for mutual support.

An annual Thanksgiving service is a highlight, too, welcoming all faiths to participate. I’ve come to see it as a festival of prayer and music, along with a dash of Quaker silence or holy dance by an Indonesian congregation. It can be a sampler of what each of us does best – and perhaps even aspects we don’t get in our own traditions. If anything, I hope each of us comes away with a renewed appreciation for what we do uniquely as part of a broader mosaic.

ADMIRING THE QUEEN OF GIFT-GIVING

For many folks – especially of the male gender – nothing adds more stress to the approaching holidays than the matter of gift-giving. Matter? Should I instead say requirement or obligation or necessity or, uh, finals examination? That’s even before we get to any consideration of price tags or value.

We (ah, the crucial confession!) just don’t get it. And when we think we do, it’s usually with some very useful item they’ll see as totally lacking sentimental value. A garbage disposal, for instance? (OK, I avoided that one.)

Being married to a woman who has a sixth sense in this realm, moreover, has not only been illuminating but heightens my apprehension. She’s not one for flowers or jewelry or chocolate, for starters, at least on the receiving end. No, it’s her sense of empathy in finding some surprise she knows the receiver will appreciate. Often it’s humorous – and often it’s useful without being, shall we say, utilitarian. It’s downright psychic.

I can point to the binoculars or the little recorder that captures our choir rehearsals or the turtlenecks I seem to live in these days. Sometimes they’re even baffling, those things I didn’t know I wanted or needed until, well, time proves otherwise.

There’s no way, either, to top the panini press she presented a dear friend. It makes him think gratefully of her almost daily. It’s also proof that she listens carefully for clues no one else seems to notice.

Locating appropriate gifts – and it’s really something other than shopping – is an enterprise she tries to have largely wrapped up (sorry for the pun – the wrapping comes later) by Halloween. Well, that relieves some of the pressure – many of her finds actually come at yard sales as early as May, and there are other bargains to be found through the summer and fall, if you’re alert.

She’s the one, by the way, who can’t comprehend how a mother could have no clue to what her kids like or want. Just know that it’s fuel for a rant.

But I rather treasure it for the way it gets us guys off the hook just a tad. That mother, that is.

Now, from my end, I’m further along than I would have been before I met her. But I’m still distinctly playing second fiddle. Or even viola.

A WORLD OF FAITH AND MANY PATHWAYS

Regulars at the Red Barn no doubt are aware I’m among those who feel religion is important. Not just any religion, even though it can be a starting point. And not exclusively mine, no matter my reasons for touting its virtues.

My perspective, to be candid, values the prophetic stream as it runs through the centuries of the Bible, along with an alternative Christianity that emphasizes the Holy Spirit and practice based in small circles with elders and personal experience. As I said, not just any religion, no matter how much my understanding has drawn on yoga and Zen and Tibetan Buddhism or Native American wisdom. Admittedly, the elements I hold high can be found outside the Judeo-Christian mainstream, and much I’ve learned from them has informed my own faith journey.

In reflecting on ecumenical sharing, I might also point to ways contrasting faith communities can occur within a denomination. Ways Irish Catholics might differ from, say, Italian or Brazilian. In the Quaker world, not everyone meets in silent worship – many have pastors and choirs, and we might note there are more Friends in Nairobi than in Philadelphia.

One remarkable presentation of this is found in a book I received for Christmas from a future Episcopal priest. Several years would pass before I actually got around to reading it, but the impressions last.

Rodger Kamenetz’ 1994 The Jew in the Lotus initially struck me as a cutesy title with its twist on the Tibetan Buddhist chant, Aum Mane Padme Hum, which is sometimes translated as the jewel in the lotus. But the narrative is more a discovery of faith through personal encounter. Beginning as a secular, or non-observant, Jew, the author is invited to be part of a delegation who will meet with the Dalai Lama to discuss their faith. He seems to be there purely as the neutral observer. In the journey and its preparations, though, Kamenetz discovers how little he knows about his Jewish legacy and how radically different the practices of the other members of the party could be. His eyes are opened to new ranges of thought and feeling. What the Dalai Lama most wants to learn is ways his followers might survive apart from their homeland – something Jews have been doing for millennia. But that doesn’t prevent some lively discussion of esoteric teachings about dakini, as he sees them, and thousands of angels everywhere, as some of Kamenetz’ companions experience them, or of Kabala, too – things new to Kamenetz.

Religion, then, can lead to wider ways of viewing the world around us. There’s more to life than materialism or empirical thought can embrace. How, after all, can you discuss love or hope or selfless service from a concrete reality basis?

Or, as St. Paul observed, trying to speak of these can easily sound like folly.

So who’s to say there aren’t angels dancing in the snowflakes? Or on the tip of my beloved’s nose? Sounds like a good start for a poem, if you ask me.