Show some sympathy for those poor, lowly paid beleaguered clerks

They’re probably not to blame. Look, they’re usually struggling figures who all too often have to face self-entitled a-holes at the checkout counter or their equally crushed managers overhead. Here are a few things they’d love to tell you or maybe the offender before you or even their bosses.

Yes, here’s what they’d really love to say.

1. “Let’s trade places. I’ll be the rude one, and you try to stay patient.”
2. “If only our coffee was as strong as your attitude!”
3. “Your tone is getting a price tag.”
4. “Customers like you really test our ‘service with a smile’ policy.”
5. “Your points would be more valid if they were less veiled in rudeness.”
6. “We’re here to serve, not to be served attitude.”
7. “Your words are as sweet as a lemon. Sarcasm intended.”
8. “We promise fast service, not a tolerance for fast insults.”
9. “You’ve mistaken my patience for a dumping ground.”
10. “Have a nice day, somewhere else.”

While we’re at it, let’s go for a second round.

1. “I appreciate your perspective, but rudeness is an extra charge we didn’t agree upon.”
2. “Your impatience is understandable. Is it as urgent as your need for a manners refresher?”
3. “Don’t worry, we charge by the item, not by the attitude.”
4. “The ‘customer is always right’ policy doesn’t cover personal attacks. Please read the fine print.”
5. “Did you mistake this conversation for an auction? Because you’re really bidding high on rudeness.”
6. “We provide services, not psychic readings. Kindly state your problem, not your tantrum.”
7. “Our products come with a warranty, but our tolerance for rudeness does not.”
8. “Patience is a virtue, but it seems your cart is empty.”
9. “The complaint box is for suggestions, not character assassinations.”
10. “In our store, ‘sale’ applies to items, not civility.”

Or even a third.

1. “We value customer feedback, but your rudeness is more of a monologue than a dialogue.”
2. “Our goal is customer satisfaction, not ego inflation.”
3. “Let me put you back into the waiting line.” However many hours that means.
4. “Our service may be fast, but ‘instant respect’ isn’t on our menu.”
5. “Our prices are competitive, but our patience isn’t limitless.”
6. “We accept all major credit cards, but we don’t accept rudeness.”
7. “This is a business, not a battlefield. Let’s keep the conversation civil.”
8. “This is a store, not a stage. Kindly lower the drama.”
9. Merry Christmas to you, too. And a *** New Year.
10. Expletives deleted.