How to tell if you’re becoming a gnome

Ever have one of those days? You may have some serious reasons for concern if it includes the following symptoms.

1. Feel like you’re shrinking in size? Down to two spans high?
2. Suffer deep embarrassment or shame?
3. Have a desire to retreat underground?
4. Get hot-tempered? Irritable?
5. Find gold-diggers offensive?
6. Sense a reluctance to interact with humans?
7. Sympathize with prudish women?
8. Have flashes of innovation or cunning?
9. Wild hair?
10. Ugly?

And here I had thought these were simply symptoms of aging.